Stress Less Hack: Break Free of the “Shoulds” That Rule You
“Shoulds” create unnecessary pressure on you and others. Most people are unaware of the number of times they think or say the word “should” or the shoulds-in-sheep’s clothing: The “Must’s,” The “Have to’s,” The “Got to’s,” The “Ought to’s.” This way of thinking might be second nature to you. You think them and say them automatically. An easy way to break this pattern is to count the “shoulds.” For a week or two, use a golf stroke counter to count each time you think or say the word “should” (or its other forms). If you don’t have a counter, place pennies in one pocket and transfer a penny to the other pocket each time you think or say “should” and then put the “should” pennies (or other tokens if you’re short of pennies) in a jar so that you can see the full weight of the tyranny under which you live. Similarly, you can mark on a piece of paper each time you think or say “should.” As you become more aware of how often your “shoulds” push you around, you’ll find it easier to let go of shoulds and watch them drift away. Stress Less: A Teen’s Guide to a Calm, Chill Life
Stress Less Hack: Laugh Away Your Worries
When people are stressed and worried, they often try to get their worry thoughts out of their minds. This never works, but what can work is a little perspective. There’s no better way to create perspective than humor. If you have ever taken an improv comedy class, you likely learned the concept of ‘Yes, and …’ In Yes, and …, you accept whatever the other person in the scene says, and you add something more. You don’t disagree, contradict, or shut down the other person. You accept it and build on it. This strategy is a great way to add perspective to an anxious thought or worry. For example: To the worry, “What if I fail the pop quiz?” you might add, “Yes, and then I’ll fail high school, can’t go to college, my family rejects me, and I live in a van down by the river.” Or, to the worry, “What if the bruise on my hand means I have a fatal disease?” you might add, “Yes, and it’s time to call the funeral home to schedule my memorial service.” The point of Yes, and … is to exaggerate the worry so that it seems less important to you. You’ll get a giggle out of it, too! Stress Less: A Teen’s Guide to a Calm, Chill Life
Stress Less Hack: Right Now, I’m Okay
Stress and anxiety are all about something bad that could happen that isn’t happening right now. When you’re tense or anxious, it can help to remind yourself that you’re okay in this moment. Several times a day, notice that you’re okay. If you’re worried that you’ll get a bad grade on the test tomorrow and lower your GPA, but your GPA is okay right now, say softly to yourself, “Right Now, I’m Okay.” If you’re stressed that your boyfriend might break up with you tomorrow, but you’re still together right now, say softly to yourself, Right Now, I’m Okay. Even if something bad has happened, say softly to yourself, Right Now, I’m Okay because deep down, regardless of what happened, you’re okay. Stress Less: A Teen’s Guide to a Calm, Chill Life
Stress Less Hack: Nurture Your Relationships to Lower Your Stress
Relationships can be stressful, even when they’re going well. It doesn’t take much to protect and strengthen relationships but it does take some of your time and caring. Also, giving to your relationships feels good and encourages others to give to you. There are many small ways that you can give to others: You can smile and say hello to strangers. You can compliment a friend’s clothing or a stranger’s basketball shot. You can give your full attention, in the moment, to what someone is saying. You can share your lunch or attend the audition of someone you know but not well. Best of all, you can give calmness to someone who is stressed or frustrated. Stress Less: A Teen’s Guide to a Calm, Chill Life
Stress Less Hack: Take Shelter from the Emotional Storm
In a thunderstorm, you might take shelter from the pelting rain, blowing winds, and deadly lightning strikes. Taking shelter when you’re stressed, challenged, or upset can help you feel calm and confident that you can safely ride out emotional storms, too. A refuge from stress can be anything that provides a feeling of safety and comfort: talking with a special friend, massaging your hands with lotion, or wrapping yourself in a soft, warm blanket. To create a shelter from stress, write at least six things that are soothing, relaxing, or supportive. Now, every day, close your eyes for a few minutes, take a few calming breaths, and softly say to yourself, I take shelter in (for example, my special friendships, or the feel of lotion on my hands, or the warmth of my soft blanket). Try this whenever you have a free moment: on the bus to school, just before you fall asleep, or when cuddling with your pet. Stress Less: A Teen’s Guide to a Calm, Chill Life
Stress Less Hack: Manage Time to Get Work Done
Life isn’t fair: you’ve likely heard that before. Life isn’t fair for you, and it isn’t fair for your friends, and it isn’t fair for anyone. This isn’t a problem unless you expect or insist that life should be fair. This is the fallacy of fairness. It’s a fallacy because expecting or insisting that life should be fair won’t make life fair. Furthermore, believing this fallacy can fill your life with stress, frustration, and unhappiness. Overcoming the fallacy of fairness requires you to adjust your thinking and accept that fairness is not absolute. That’s because two people rarely agree on what “fair” means. One person thinks it’s unfair when something doesn’t go their way, but the other person thinks it’s fair when it does. Fairness is not objective – it’s subjective. Instead of thinking in terms of fairness, try thinking in terms of equity. Instead of thinking it isn’t fair that the coach sent Jeff into play and not you, think it’s equitable. Think that the coach sent Jeff in because he wanted to give all the players equal time in the game, and that’s equitable. Or, rather than thinking that it isn’t fair that your friend gave Jessie half his sandwich, think it’s equitable. Think that your friend knows Jessie often doesn’t have money to buy his lunch, and that’s equitable. In other words, what is and isn’t fair is based on particular experiences and circumstances that may not apply to anyone else. Therefore, it’s essential to look beyond the fallacy of fairness and work together to reach an equitable agreement for you and the other person. Stress Less: A Teen’s Guide to a Calm, Chill Life
Stress Less Hack: Take the Long Way Around Worry
When you’re stressed, you tend to get stuck in one worry thought after another. A fun way to get unstuck from a concern is to take the long way around it. Here’s how to do it. Describe the stressful thought or worry with a longer, wordier description. For example, to take the long way around the worry: “What if I fail the quiz tomorrow?” say to yourself, “My mind is once again having that very familiar and oh so scary thought — a thought that enters my mind over and over again, in the same way, despite me knowing that it’s not true — that I’ll fail the quiz tomorrow.” Taking the long way around a stressful thought or worry creates some distance between you and the thought so that you can see things as they are rather than how you worry they are. Stress Less: A Teen’s Guide to a Calm, Chill Life
Stress Less Hack: Play the Name Game to Move On
When you’re stressed or worried about something, it’s difficult to think about anything else. It’s as if your mind is stuck on the stress channel as you think about one stressful thing after another. Although it’s almost impossible to turn off the stress channel once you’ve turned it on, you can learn to change it by playing the name game. In this game, you focus on something you see, hear, or smell in your environment and then name it. For example, If you’re in your bedroom, you might look at the blue comforter on your bed and say softly to yourself, blue comforter. Or you might hear the sound of the television downstairs and say, television, You might even smell the chocolate chip cookies that your mom is baking and say, chocolate chip cookies. Try to name things as quickly as possible while scanning your environment for sights, sounds, and smells.
Stress Less Hack: Fog to Stay Cool
Fogging is a simple skill that helps you accept feedback calmly without feeling upset or stressed. The idea is that there’s a thick, dense fog between you and the other person. The fog slows the feedback coming at you, like a thick fog would slow a stone if someone threw one at you. Also, you’re less likely to throw the stone back because the feedback doesn’t feel as harsh. To fog feedback, imagine a cloud of fog between you and the other person. As the person gives you feedback, imagine the words slowing down in the fog as they come at you. You can even imagine the words absorbing the fog so that they grow into fluffy puffballs of feedback. Stress Less: A Teen’s Guide to a Calm, Chill Life
Stress Less Hack: Resolve Conflict or Walk Away, Your Choice
Before you can resolve a conflict, it helps first to decide what you want to accomplish. Are you trying to change someone’s mind about a personal belief? Are you defending yourself or a loved one? What’s more important: the issue or the person? If you can’t answer these questions, then why are you involving yourself in the conflict? Maybe the best thing to do is drop it. Also, no matter how well you argue your case, there’s always a chance that you won’t get what you want. If that happens, you may want to cut your losses and walk away. A good way to end a conflict is to agree to disagree. This means that you and the other person are willing to live with the fact that you have different opinions, different goals, and different ways of going about things. Life goes on, and there’s no point in dwelling on what did or didn’t happen, or what is right or wrong. Stress Less: A Teen’s Guide to a Calm, Chill Life