Ten Early Signs that Your Loved One May Have a Hoarding Problem
The signs of someone with a significant hoarding problem are obvious. Floorboards rot and sag under the weight of tons of paper and garbage. Food containers litter the home and the smells of rotting food and mildew permeate the air. Every nook and cranny is filled with stuff and what paths there are in the home are carpeted with layer upon layer of damp, dark, and dirty paper, bags, and other litter. However, a significant hoarding problem does not usually happen overnight. It slowly blooms and grows over many years. Here are ten warning signs that your loved one may have a burgeoning hoarding problem. Your loved one keeps parts of the home off-limits and the curtains always drawn. People with a hoarding problem often try to hide it. They may close off areas of their home or try to keep others out of their home altogether. They may fear that if you see the state of their home or certain rooms, you will demand they clean the mess, or they may fear that you will touch or remove their possessions without their permission. People will go to great lengths to keep you out of their space. They may tell you that you cannot enter a room because it contains unwrapped gifts they do not want you to see. Other people keep the curtains closed so that others cannot see inside their homes. If your loved one tells you that parts of his home are off-limits, or is overly concerned about others seeing inside his home, this may indicate a hoarding problem. You and your loved one talk endlessly about the stuff. A telling sign that a loved one may have a hoarding problem is that you and your loved one talk at great length about the stuff. At first, conversations are gentle and supportive. You might offer suggestions or advice. You might offer to come over on a Saturday to help clear out just a few things. Over the years, however, the conversations become louder and more demanding as pleas turn to threats. You may have threatened to call the authorities and your loved one, in return, may have threatened never to speak to you again. Simply put, if you and your loved one are talking a lot about the stuff, he or she may have a hoarding problem. De-cluttering even a small area is a major job that would take more than a few hours or days. Even a relatively small amount of clutter can pose an organizational nightmare to a person with a hoarding problem. An inability to sort possessions efficiently may distinguish the person with a hoarding problem from someone who is only prone to some disorganization and clutter. That is, if a person without hoarding difficulties intentionally carves out three hours to sit down in front of her piles of stuff, she can usually sort and organize these possessions with some level of efficiency. Conversely, the person who hoards likely cannot because he falls into the trap of considering the many and endless ways he can sort, organize, or store an item. Before you know it, the process overwhelms him and he stops. For this reason, hoarding problems that may look small soon mushroom out of control as the years go on. Your loved one often fails to pay bills. Your loved one may have bill collectors hounding him because he has missed payments on his house or credit card even though he has the money to pay these bills. When you call your loved one, you may discover that the telephone company has disconnected the phone again or that she is living without power or heat. Your loved one may not be able to locate bills other important notices or documents because of the clutter in the home. Your loved one is in debt because of compulsive shopping. Another warning sign that your loved one may have a hoarding problem is that she spends more money than she has. People who hoard may not admit that they buy things they do not need, in part, because they see it quite differently. They will tell you, and not blink an eye, that it is always good to have extra presents on hand for unexpected guests or last minute celebrations. You may see packages that she has never opened. You may find that your loved one has filled the pantry and closets with many more supplies than she can ever use or that she has filled her freezer with expired or old food that she will not permit you to discard. Your loved one has trouble finding things and resists storing things out of sight. Because of the quantity of stuff, your loved one may have trouble finding things. She may complain that she has misplaced her purse or cell phone again. She may arrive late to appointments because she could not find her calendar or the note you sent her about when and where you were to meet. Adding to the problem, people who hoard insist on keeping their things in sight, usually in stacks from floor to ceiling, or littered over most horizontal surfaces. People who hoard are comforted when their possessions are in sight, and they may resist your pleas that they store their things in closets, filing cabinets, or in sealed boxes. Your loved one puts off repairs to her home. You may wonder why your loved one complains about the leaky faucet or broken toilet but will not permit you to repair it. She may tell you that the broken toilet is not that bad or that she welcomes the help but wants to clean up the house first before you or the plumber comes by. Over the years, you may watch as the roof caves or weeds choke the front and back yards and still your loved one tells you that things are not that bad. Your loved one insists she meet you at your home or at the
Alternative Thoughts: Beyond the Thought Record
“Cognitive restructuring” is one of the cornerstone skills of Cognitive Therapy. It involves identifying thoughts that are impacting our mood and considering alternatives that may be more helpful or accurate. Practicing this simple skill allows us to recognize that our thoughts are flexible and adaptable, and that they have a big impact on how we feel. The simplest way to practice this skill is by using a “thought record,” another hallmark of CBT. Generating alternative thoughts doesn’t require a form or need to be a static practice. There are so many sources of alternative perspectives and concepts in our media-rich world; one of my favorite places to go is Ted.com, a nonprofit devoted to disseminating the ideas of some of the world’s most inspired thinkers. Here are my Top 15 Ted Talks. If this list is too long or you just want to “be surprised,” select the “surprise me” option on Ted.com (http://www.ted.com/surpriseme). Inspiration, and alternative perspectives, await you… [fusion_builder_container hundred_percent=”yes” overflow=”visible” margin_top=”40px” margin_bottom=”40px” background_color=”rgba(255,255,255,0)”][fusion_builder_row][fusion_builder_column type=”1_1″ background_position=”left top” background_color=”” border_size=”” border_color=”” border_style=”solid” spacing=”yes” background_image=”” background_repeat=”no-repeat” padding=”” margin_top=”0px” margin_bottom=”0px” class=”” id=”” animation_type=”” animation_speed=”0.3″ animation_direction=”left” hide_on_mobile=”no” center_content=”no” min_height=”none”][fusion_separator style_type=”single solid” /] TOP 15 Ted Talks Carol Dweck: The Power of Believing you can improve https://www.ted.com/talks/carol_dweck_the_power_of_believing_that_you_can_improve [/fusion_builder_column][/fusion_builder_row][/fusion_builder_container][fusion_builder_container hundred_percent=”yes” overflow=”visible” margin_top=”10px” margin_bottom=”30px” background_color=”rgba(255,255,255,0)”][fusion_builder_row][fusion_builder_column type=”1_1″ background_position=”left top” background_color=”” border_size=”” border_color=”” border_style=”solid” spacing=”yes” background_image=”” background_repeat=”no-repeat” padding=”” margin_top=”0px” margin_bottom=”0px” class=”” id=”” animation_type=”” animation_speed=”0.3″ animation_direction=”left” hide_on_mobile=”no” center_content=”no” min_height=”none”][fusion_separator style_type=”single solid” width=”60%” alignment=”left”/] Andrew Solomon – Depression, the secret we share http://www.ted.com/talks/andrew_solomon_depression_the_secret_we_share?lang [/fusion_builder_column][/fusion_builder_row][/fusion_builder_container][fusion_builder_container hundred_percent=”yes” overflow=”visible” margin_top=”10px” margin_bottom=”30px” background_color=”rgba(255,255,255,0)”][fusion_builder_row][fusion_builder_column type=”1_1″ background_position=”left top” background_color=”” border_size=”” border_color=”” border_style=”solid” spacing=”yes” background_image=”” background_repeat=”no-repeat” padding=”” margin_top=”0px” margin_bottom=”0px” class=”” id=”” animation_type=”” animation_speed=”0.3″ animation_direction=”left” hide_on_mobile=”no” center_content=”no” min_height=”none”][fusion_separator style_type=”single solid” width=”60%” alignment=”left”/] hJD Schramm: Break the Silence for Suicide Attempt Survivors http://www.ted.com/talks/jd_schramm?language=enuage=en [/fusion_builder_column][/fusion_builder_row][/fusion_builder_container][fusion_builder_container hundred_percent=”yes” overflow=”visible” margin_top=”10px” margin_bottom=”30px” background_color=”rgba(255,255,255,0)”][fusion_builder_row][fusion_builder_column type=”1_1″ background_position=”left top” background_color=”” border_size=”” border_color=”” border_style=”solid” spacing=”yes” background_image=”” background_repeat=”no-repeat” padding=”” margin_top=”0px” margin_bottom=”0px” class=”” id=”” animation_type=”” animation_speed=”0.3″ animation_direction=”left” hide_on_mobile=”no” center_content=”no” min_height=”none”][fusion_separator style_type=”single solid” width=”60%” alignment=”left”/] Joe Kowan: How I beat stage fright http://www.ted.com/talks/joe_kowan_how_i_beat_stage_fright [/fusion_builder_column][/fusion_builder_row][/fusion_builder_container][fusion_builder_container hundred_percent=”yes” overflow=”visible” margin_top=”10px” margin_bottom=”30px” background_color=”rgba(255,255,255,0)”][fusion_builder_row][fusion_builder_column type=”1_1″ background_position=”left top” background_color=”” border_size=”” border_color=”” border_style=”solid” spacing=”yes” background_image=”” background_repeat=”no-repeat” padding=”” margin_top=”0px” margin_bottom=”0px” class=”” id=”” animation_type=”” animation_speed=”0.3″ animation_direction=”left” hide_on_mobile=”no” center_content=”no” min_height=”none”][fusion_separator style_type=”single solid” width=”60%” alignment=”left”/] Susan Cain: The power of introverts http://www.ted.com/talks/susan_cain_the_power_of_introverts?language=en [/fusion_builder_column][/fusion_builder_row][/fusion_builder_container][fusion_builder_container hundred_percent=”yes” overflow=”visible” margin_top=”10px” margin_bottom=”30px” background_color=”rgba(255,255,255,0)”][fusion_builder_row][fusion_builder_column type=”1_1″ background_position=”left top” background_color=”” border_size=”” border_color=”” border_style=”solid” spacing=”yes” background_image=”” background_repeat=”no-repeat” padding=”” margin_top=”0px” margin_bottom=”0px” class=”” id=”” animation_type=”” animation_speed=”0.3″ animation_direction=”left” hide_on_mobile=”no” center_content=”no” min_height=”none”][fusion_separator style_type=”single solid” width=”60%” alignment=”left”/] Nancy Etcoff – On happiness and why we want it http://www.ted.com/talks/nancy_etcoff_on_happiness_and_why_we_want_it [/fusion_builder_column][/fusion_builder_row][/fusion_builder_container][fusion_builder_container hundred_percent=”yes” overflow=”visible” margin_top=”10px” margin_bottom=”30px” background_color=”rgba(255,255,255,0)”][fusion_builder_row][fusion_builder_column type=”1_1″ background_position=”left top” background_color=”” border_size=”” border_color=”” border_style=”solid” spacing=”yes” background_image=”” background_repeat=”no-repeat” padding=”” margin_top=”0px” margin_bottom=”0px” class=”” id=”” animation_type=”” animation_speed=”0.3″ animation_direction=”left” hide_on_mobile=”no” center_content=”no” min_height=”none”][fusion_separator style_type=”single solid” width=”60%” alignment=”left”/] Sophie Scott: On why we laugh [/fusion_builder_column][/fusion_builder_row][/fusion_builder_container][fusion_builder_container hundred_percent=”yes” overflow=”visible” margin_top=”10px” margin_bottom=”30px” background_color=”rgba(255,255,255,0)”][fusion_builder_row][fusion_builder_column type=”1_1″ background_position=”left top” background_color=”” border_size=”” border_color=”” border_style=”solid” spacing=”yes” background_image=”” background_repeat=”no-repeat” padding=”” margin_top=”0px” margin_bottom=”0px” class=”” id=”” animation_type=”” animation_speed=”0.3″ animation_direction=”left” hide_on_mobile=”no” center_content=”no” min_height=”none”][fusion_separator style_type=”single solid” width=”60%” alignment=”left”/] Sarah-Jayne Blakemore: The mysterious workings of the adolescent brain http://www.ted.com/talks/sarah_jayne_blakemore_the_mysterious_workings_of_the_adolescent_brain?language=en [/fusion_builder_column][/fusion_builder_row][/fusion_builder_container][fusion_builder_container hundred_percent=”yes” overflow=”visible” margin_top=”10px” margin_bottom=”30px” background_color=”rgba(255,255,255,0)”][fusion_builder_row][fusion_builder_column type=”1_1″ background_position=”left top” background_color=”” border_size=”” border_color=”” border_style=”solid” spacing=”yes” background_image=”” background_repeat=”no-repeat” padding=”” margin_top=”0px” margin_bottom=”0px” class=”” id=”” animation_type=”” animation_speed=”0.3″ animation_direction=”left” hide_on_mobile=”no” center_content=”no” min_height=”none”][fusion_separator style_type=”single solid” width=”60%” alignment=”left”/] Michael Merzenich Growing evidence of brain plasticity [/fusion_builder_column][/fusion_builder_row][/fusion_builder_container][fusion_builder_container hundred_percent=”yes” overflow=”visible” margin_top=”10px” margin_bottom=”30px” background_color=”rgba(255,255,255,0)”][fusion_builder_row][fusion_builder_column type=”1_1″ background_position=”left top” background_color=”” border_size=”” border_color=”” border_style=”solid” spacing=”yes” background_image=”” background_repeat=”no-repeat” padding=”” margin_top=”0px” margin_bottom=”0px” class=”” id=”” animation_type=”” animation_speed=”0.3″ animation_direction=”left” hide_on_mobile=”no” center_content=”no” min_height=”none”][fusion_separator style_type=”single solid” width=”60%” alignment=”left”/] Sherwin Nuland: How electroshock therapy changed me [/fusion_builder_column][/fusion_builder_row][/fusion_builder_container][fusion_builder_container hundred_percent=”yes” overflow=”visible” margin_top=”10px” margin_bottom=”30px” background_color=”rgba(255,255,255,0)”][fusion_builder_row][fusion_builder_column type=”1_1″ background_position=”left top” background_color=”” border_size=”” border_color=”” border_style=”solid” spacing=”yes” background_image=”” background_repeat=”no-repeat” padding=”” margin_top=”0px” margin_bottom=”0px” class=”” id=”” animation_type=”” animation_speed=”0.3″ animation_direction=”left” hide_on_mobile=”no” center_content=”no” min_height=”none”][fusion_separator style_type=”single solid” width=”60%” alignment=”left”/] Dan Gilbert: The surprising science of happiness [/fusion_builder_column][/fusion_builder_row][/fusion_builder_container][fusion_builder_container hundred_percent=”yes” overflow=”visible” margin_top=”10px” margin_bottom=”30px” background_color=”rgba(255,255,255,0)”][fusion_builder_row][fusion_builder_column type=”1_1″ background_position=”left top” background_color=”” border_size=”” border_color=”” border_style=”solid” spacing=”yes” background_image=”” background_repeat=”no-repeat” padding=”” margin_top=”0px” margin_bottom=”0px” class=”” id=”” animation_type=”” animation_speed=”0.3″ animation_direction=”left” hide_on_mobile=”no” center_content=”no” min_height=”none”][fusion_separator style_type=”single solid” width=”60%” alignment=”left”/] Al Seckel: Visual illusions that show how we (mis)think http://www.ted.com/talks/al_seckel_says_our_brains_are_mis_wired?language=en [/fusion_builder_column][/fusion_builder_row][/fusion_builder_container][fusion_builder_container hundred_percent=”yes” overflow=”visible” margin_top=”10px” margin_bottom=”30px” background_color=”rgba(255,255,255,0)”][fusion_builder_row][fusion_builder_column type=”1_1″ background_position=”left top” background_color=”” border_size=”” border_color=”” border_style=”solid” spacing=”yes” background_image=”” background_repeat=”no-repeat” padding=”” margin_top=”0px” margin_bottom=”0px” class=”” id=”” animation_type=”” animation_speed=”0.3″ animation_direction=”left” hide_on_mobile=”no” center_content=”no” min_height=”none”][fusion_separator style_type=”single solid” width=”60%” alignment=”left”/] Kelly McGonigal: How to make stress your friend http://www.ted.com/talks/kelly_mcgonigal_how_to_make_stress_your_friend?language=en [/fusion_builder_column][/fusion_builder_row][/fusion_builder_container][fusion_builder_container hundred_percent=”yes” overflow=”visible” margin_top=”10px” margin_bottom=”30px” background_color=”rgba(255,255,255,0)”][fusion_builder_row][fusion_builder_column type=”1_1″ background_position=”left top” background_color=”” border_size=”” border_color=”” border_style=”solid” spacing=”yes” background_image=”” background_repeat=”no-repeat” padding=”” margin_top=”0px” margin_bottom=”0px” class=”” id=”” animation_type=”” animation_speed=”0.3″ animation_direction=”left” hide_on_mobile=”no” center_content=”no” min_height=”none”][fusion_separator style_type=”single solid” width=”60%” alignment=”left”/] Andy Puddicombe: All it takes is 10 mindful minutes https://www.ted.com/talks/andy_puddicombe_all_it_takes_is_10_mindful_minutes [/fusion_builder_column][/fusion_builder_row][/fusion_builder_container][fusion_builder_container hundred_percent=”yes” overflow=”visible” margin_top=”10px” margin_bottom=”30px” background_color=”rgba(255,255,255,0)”][fusion_builder_row][fusion_builder_column type=”1_1″ background_position=”left top” background_color=”” border_size=”” border_color=”” border_style=”solid” spacing=”yes” background_image=”” background_repeat=”no-repeat” padding=”” margin_top=”0px” margin_bottom=”0px” class=”” id=”” animation_type=”” animation_speed=”0.3″ animation_direction=”left” hide_on_mobile=”no” center_content=”no” min_height=”none”][fusion_separator style_type=”single solid” width=”60%” alignment=”left”/] Jennifer Senior: For parents, happiness is a very high bar https://www.ted.com/talks/jennifer_senior_for_parents_happiness_is_a_very_high_bar [/fusion_builder_column][/fusion_builder_row][/fusion_builder_container][fusion_builder_container hundred_percent=”yes” overflow=”visible” margin_top=”10px” margin_bottom=”30px” background_color=”rgba(255,255,255,0)”][fusion_builder_row][fusion_builder_column type=”1_1″ background_position=”left top” background_color=”” border_size=”” border_color=”” border_style=”solid” spacing=”yes” background_image=”” background_repeat=”no-repeat” padding=”” margin_top=”0px” margin_bottom=”0px” class=”” id=”” animation_type=”” animation_speed=”0.3″ animation_direction=”left” hide_on_mobile=”no” center_content=”no” min_height=”none”][fusion_separator style_type=”single solid” width=”60%” alignment=”left”/] Brené Brown: The power of vulnerability https://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability [/fusion_builder_column][/fusion_builder_row][/fusion_builder_container][fusion_builder_container hundred_percent=”yes” overflow=”visible” margin_top=”10px” margin_bottom=”30px” background_color=”rgba(255,255,255,0)”][fusion_builder_row][fusion_builder_column type=”1_1″ background_position=”left top” background_color=”” border_size=”” border_color=”” border_style=”solid” spacing=”yes” background_image=”” background_repeat=”no-repeat” padding=”” margin_top=”0px” margin_bottom=”0px” class=”” id=”” animation_type=”” animation_speed=”0.3″ animation_direction=”left” hide_on_mobile=”no” center_content=”no” min_height=”none”][fusion_separator style_type=”single solid” width=”60%” alignment=”left”/] Phil Hansen: Embrace the shake https://www.ted.com/talks/phil_hansen_embrace_the_shake?language=en.[/fusion_builder_column][/fusion_builder_row][/fusion_builder_container]