Upcoming Paid Research Study on Misophonia
Transition to Summer
While we usually think of carefree days, summer can actually be very stressful as schedules shift dramatically. Here are 4 tips to help you keep summer stress-free.
The Real Cost of High Achievement… Life or Death Decisions
In the December 2015 issue of the The Atlantic, Hanna Rosin wrote a thoughtful and haunting piece entitled “The Silicon Valley Suicides: Why are so many kids with bright prospects killing themselves in Palo Alto?” With Palo Alto just a bit south of our group in Oakland, the article really hit home. Teenagers growing up in communities all over the country where education is valued highly and “success” in adulthood is often defined by the prestige of one’s job, cost of homes and cars, and academic pedigree, are being routed into a very narrow mindset. If they do achieve at this expected level, they believe, they have not achieved at all. This perfectionistic “black and white” thinking pervades high schools where taking several Advanced Placement classes is considered the “norm.” And it is very dangerous. Rosin highlights the danger in this type of thinking and the perpetuation of this type of thinking by parents, educators, and peers. But oftentimes, it becomes the culture of the school and adolescents can’t help but get swept up into it. In these communities, the children who commit and attempt suicide are not necessarily the picture of a depressed adolescent. They are often the star athlete, the straight A student, the prodigy musician. These kids can easily slip through the cracks and we need to be watching for signs that these kids are struggling. Some signs and symptoms to watch for are: lack of engagement in any activities that are “just for fun” (i.e., won’t show up anywhere on a college application), lack of sleep ( I often work with families in which perfectionistic teens work themselves into desperate states characterized by fear and self-doubt. Parents can often be heard saying “It’s not a big deal.” “Stop working so hard.” “It’s just high school.” But those kinds of statements are invalidating and fall on deaf ears. Teens just shrug and say (or think) “They don’t understand.” And they are correct. Those statements are a complete mismatch for the culture of a community that measures success based on achievement in school. From the time they are young, kids hear “You have to get into a good college to be able to get a good job and have a bright future.” No variation and grey scale is used to explain how many different possible paths they can actually find themselves on. As a result, these teens work extremely hard to get and stay on the path that they think they are supposed to take, and that is exhausting. Literally. Many sleepless nights, feeling upset when peers get higher grades and then feeling guilty for being upset, and limited time for relaxation all comprise what it takes for teenagers to perform at this level. So what can we do? One thing that is so frequently overlooked is lack of sleep. When I first meet with adolescents and children, one of the first things I explore with them is how much sleep they get per night. When do they go to sleep? What time do they wake up? Do they feel tired? (Can I see dark rings under their eyes?). There is strong evidence to support the idea that sleep is essential for physical and emotional health. These findings are strongest for teens who require more sleep than adults, yet their biological and school clocks are at odds. Changes in the circadian functions of teens leads to teens becoming sleepy later in the evening yet their school schedules mandate that they wake up for the average 8am first period. The evidence shows that teens need 8-9 hours of sleep for optimal emotional and physical health. With extracurricular activities, sports and homework, this is nearly impossible. So they stay up late or wake up early. And parents let them. Parents support this concept that getting work done is more important than getting at least 8 hours of sleep per night. That needs to change. Parents often tell me that they do not know when their teenager is going to sleep because they go to sleep before their teenager. Talking to children at an early age about the importance of sleep and continuing that conversation into adolescence is important. Not getting adequate sleep is dangerous! Rosin noted that the one thing notable about Cameron Lee, a teenager who committed suicide this year, is that he never seemed to sleep. Peers noted that he was always awake when they contacted him in the middle of the night. Insomnia in teens is not something to take lightly. Insomnia can lead to depression, anxiety, and a whole host of other problems. Sleep is one of our body’s most essential resources. When exhausted everything feels harder and less manageable. For teenagers whose brains are still forming and for whom the “big picture” is much smaller due to their fewer years on earth, the effect of lack of sleep can be disastrous. If life feels hard for a well-rested teenager, life for a teenager who does not get adequate sleep feels nearly impossible. Managing emotions, tasks, and activities can be overwhelming. Finding time for fun amongst the myriad obligations may not feel possible. As a community, getting parents to insist that their teenagers get more sleep and work with their teenagers (and possibly school and coaches) on ways to do this, may be essential. Just telling your child “that’s it, lights out!” won’t (usually) work. Because for parents of adolescents who are competing in high school against a class of peers who can stay up all night working, that is a punishment. Parents need to partner with their adolescents to figure out how to prioritize sleep. Parents can limit the classes their children take so that the workload is manageable. Parents can work with coaches to allow for missed practices if there are too many academic obligations on the night of a sport. Parents can talk to schools about test awareness so that teachers do not all give tests on the same day. Parents can